


the other side

by rainteslerrrr



Series: rain's attack on titan fics [4]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crossover, F/M, FMA NOT FMAB, Multi, OOC characters, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, i'm also thinking of extending this into the manga so good luck, i'm from tumblr, i'm shit at tags, if one more person tries to come for me with accuracy i swear, my first ao3 story i guess, pls just send help, reader swears a lot, relationships are all platonic (unless...), shingeki no kyojin and fullmetal alchemist crossover, this is an fma fanfiction i'm not writing for fmab pls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:40:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 19,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26113564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainteslerrrr/pseuds/rainteslerrrr
Summary: Y/N L/N- a State Alchemist who goes on adventures with Edward and Alphonse Elric. She was a constant in everyone's life- that is, until she comes face-to-face with the Gate and is sent headfirst into the Attack on Titan universe. How will she navigate this new life as a State Alchemist-turned-Scout?
Relationships: Edward Elric/Reader, Eren Yeager/Reader
Series: rain's attack on titan fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1917061
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	1. chapter one

Images flashed through your head. Your eyes were closed, yet you could see everything. It was everything from your time with Winry and Ed to your parents, raising you. You could see fire, fire covering whole cities as you fell. 

You screamed, a light flashing behind your eyes as you crashed, your body slamming against the ground. You could feel blood seeping out from your head, there wasn’t a way you would be able to recover from this. 

Something grabbed you, and you opened your eyes to see a giant humanoid thing looking at you as if you were dinner. You tried to scramble away, but it held you tight in its grip. What the hell’s happening? It opened its mouth, slowly bringing you closer. 

And suddenly, the creature was falling forward, and someone else had grabbed you, bridal-style. You were… flying? You looked up, seeing a boy around your age carrying you. He was dressed as a soldier, but he was also wearing a harness. 

“What part of Amestris is this?” you asked, watching the humanoid creatures grab other people. Really, you should be more shocked, but your time as a State Alchemist had numbed you to these sorts of things. 

Until one of the creatures bit someone’s head clean off. Your eyes widened, filling with tears as spurts of blood filled the air. “I…” you reached your arm out, but the soldier kept flying, taking you somewhere. 

He dropped you off by a crowd of people, setting you down gently. You reached out for him, but he shook his head, jumping off and flying. 

“Excuse me?” you tried to ask, but the crowd was focused on something else. You pushed through, ignoring your throbbing headache. You put your hand on someone’s shoulder, making them look at you. 

“What part of Amestris am I in?” he tilted his head, crouching down. He was gigantic… a lot taller than you. “Amestris? Oh dear, you must’ve hit your head.” he patted your hair, which was matted by all of your blood. 

There was still shouting in the background, and with a face filled with horror the man looked up. “Push!” someone screamed, and then the crowd was surging forward. You followed the man’s gaze, seeing another one of those creatures. 

Your mind raced, watching as a female soldier took down the beast, landing gracefully on its head. What was this? Were you in- no, that couldn’t be possible. What if you were in- no, you couldn’t be. 

“Wait, excuse me!” you called, grabbing her jacket before she could fly off. “I don’t… what part of Amestris is this?” she furrowed her brows. “Last thing I remember is…” it all came back to you in a rush. Alphonse, Ed, Dante, Rose… the battle flashed behind your eyes, and you stumbled back. 

“Just get to safety, okay? You’re hallucinating.” she left, flying off with her metal ropes. The man approached you, starting to speak. “Come on, let’s go. We need to get you to an infirmary and get you treated.”

You stepped towards the body, pressing your flesh hand to it. The skin was hot, hot enough to burn you through your glove. 

You raised your hand to your cheek, your vision becoming fuzzy as your eyes rolled back. You lost consciousness, body crashing against the floor.


	2. chapter two

“What the hell?” you groaned, clutching your head. Where _were_ you? You looked around, there were hundreds of people- all lined up- besides you. You were in the line, too. “Oh, good. You’re finally awake.” the man from earlier smiled, and you finally started to panic.

Your breathing became labored as you clutched your head, tugging on your hair. Tears sprung to your eyes. The blood, the carnage, those… _creatures_. Where were you? Was this… the other side of the Gate? Was that what happened when you and Ed had touched Rose’s baby?

“No. No, I must go. I have to find a way home.” you murmured, patting the pockets of your cloak and clothing. Luckily, your pocketwatch was still there, and your gloves were still on your hands.

“Wait, kid!” the man called, but you were already running. Where? Honestly, you had no clue. Your head was pounding and your vision was blurry, but you needed to find a way _out_ of here. You didn’t know where the hell you were, but it couldn’t be Amestris.

You eventually collapsed in an alleyway, having made your way past the lines of people waiting for something. You leaned against the wall, taking off your gloves and shoving them into the pocket of your military jacket.

You thought you would be inconspicuous, you really did, but the bright blue of your military uniform would probably attract attention. Even with a big black cloak over it, things were _bound_ to show.

You didn’t have any other clothes, though. Oh, well. You sighed, staring down at the transmutation circle tattooed on the back of your hand. There were two on your hips, too. Just in case Gluttony would come back to eat your other limbs.

That wouldn’t happen anymore, you supposed. You were in another place, one outside of Amestris. Nobody could find you here, even the Homunculi. _Especially_ not the military, wherever they were.

You sighed, you would have to do _something_ at some point. You couldn’t live like this. No, you _wouldn’t_ live like this. You were a State Alchemist, you wouldn’t do… whatever the hell you were doing.

But first, a nap? You nodded, adjusting yourself so you were closer to the light of the town as you leaned your back against the wall of the alley. You looked down, deciding that you could take a nap without gloves.

You let your metal arm rest on your forehead, your eyes closing as you fell into another sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate doing this can someone please help a bitch out


	3. chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuh❤️

You stumbled along, rubbing your eyes. You didn’t know where you were, but you knew damn well that you shouldn’t be… wherever you are.

You had followed the soldiers, managing to snag some gear and a uniform (you had found it abandoned and bloody… the sight making you sick). You didn’t know what you were doing, but you knew you would get answers from these soldiers.

You had left your military uniform and cloak in the alleyway from before, cleaning the stolen clothes in a nearby well. You couldn’t tell how much time had passed, your only thoughts were on how to survive and get back home.

You had listened to the soldiers’ conversations’ nearby, picking up all that you could without having to ask questions. If this system of being a soldier was anything like Amestris’, you had to be registered. And you were _definitely_ not registered here.

Quickly, though, you had learned why the soldiers were so scared. The creatures -the Titans- were man eating monsters. You had seen them earlier, but now that you had an inkling of what was going on, you couldn’t help but tremble a little.

You didn’t know how to work the gear at your hips and thighs, so you just let it be, using your agility and other people to travel through the city. People didn’t question you, probably thinking you were just stupid or something.

They were aiming for the Titans’ napes, and that’s what seemed to kill them, so you decided to follow their lead. You ran your palm across your metal arm, quickly transmuting it into a blade. You didn’t know how to use these unfamiliar swords -they were for long-range- unlike what you were used to.

In all of your thinking, you didn’t even notice something coming towards you until a girl was yelling at you. A Titan grabbed you, it’s fat fingers bringing your automail leg closer to its mouth.

You braced yourself for the pain of getting eaten (again), but it never came. Instead, you heard a faint _crunch_ , and then you were falling. You could faintly register the screams of some other soldiers, the pain in your body the only thing on your mind.

The Titan started moving away, going for the other soldiers as you slumped against the wall of a building. Why… didn’t that Titan eat you? How was your automail? Your body was sore, but nothing was broken. The worst pain was in your hip, where your automail leg had been bitten.

You also smelled… no thanks to the fact that you hadn’t had a decent bath in a while. The Titans didn’t notice you, and if they did, they ignored you, going for the other soldiers. Eventually, when you decided that you wouldn’t lay there and be bait, you got up.

You hurriedly cut your left pant leg, revealing the _last_ thing you wanted. The metal wasn’t broken, but it was dented. It would be hard to fix, but you could probably manage. You dragged your leg, trying not to damage it further as you walked through the some-what abandoned streets.

You could still hear shouts, but your goal was to maybe… oh, _I don’t know_ , maybe survive? And being alone with a damaged automail leg and no experience whatsoever here wouldn’t increase your chances of living.

Sometime later, someone had noticed you. When that Titan had bitten you, it had also caused the skin of your hip (where your leg was connected) to break and start to bleed. You limped along, and she approached you.

“Let’s get you… woah, what’s with your leg? Is it… metal?” you slapped her hands away, groaning at the movement. “It’s… automail,” you rasped, trying to stop your leg from bleeding with your hands.

“But that shouldn’t be possible!” “Oh, _fuck off._ ” her eyes lit up, and you could see that she wanted to touch your leg more, but there were more important things to do than to experiment on you.

You let out a little squeak when she picked you up, leading you somewhere. Faintly, you realized that you in fact could not go where she was taking you. “Wait.” you grabbed her cloak, looking her in her eyes.

“Let go. I can repair my automail on my own.” she shook her head, but you started to squirm, landing out of her arms and onto your feet. “I’ll be fine, miss. I know where to go.” with a sigh and a ‘be careful’, she left.

Your eyes rolled back, and you started to pant as you pressed more on the torn skin of your hip. It was a nasty gash, and it didn’t look to be going away anytime soon. You let out a moan of pain, pulling the jacket off your shoulders and using it to try and stop the bleeding.

Oh, how you wished for your mother. And your father. And Pinako. Hell, even _Roy Mustang_ would be better than… wherever you were. So would Ed, wherever he was. Oh, how you would hug your friends when you got back.

“That bastard,” you swore, not noticing the soldiers walking towards you. “I swear, Ed,” you looked up, hoping your friend could hear you in your moment of vulnerability. “When I get back home, I’ll tell you all about this place. You too, Al,” you grinned through your pain.

You focused your blurry eyes on the soldier before you, recognizing her from earlier. In all your haze and emotions, you hadn’t registered the danger of your situation. “Is that a metal leg, soldier?” someone asked.

You nodded, and someone else cleared their throat, pointing an accusing finger at you. “That’s her. She was bitten by a Titan.” your eyes widened, and things finally made sense to you. You didn’t know much, but you were sure surviving those monsters would merit _some_ sort of suspicion. “

Can you walk, soldier?” you nodded again, pressing your palms flat against the ground and pushing yourself up. “Good. You’re injured, and-” you clutched your head, automail dragging against the floor as you stumbled.

The female soldier from earlier caught you, and as soon as your head hit her chest, you were out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly i'm the ceo of having y/n pass out at the end of the chapter


	4. chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> our lovely y/n wakes up in prison. shiver me timbers.

You awoke to the feeling of someone tugging on your leg. _Hard_ , as if they were trying to rip the automail off. You let out a painful groan, trying to get them to let go. “Ah- ah, stop it,” you tried to say, but it came out all jumbled.

“Ah, look. She’s awake.” the voice sounded so familiar, it was almost like... “Hawkeye..?” you murmured, opening your eyes slightly to see someone who, in fact, _wasn’t_ Riza Hawkeye. You shut your eyes again, not even realizing your predicament.

“It’s your turn to do the paperwork, Roy… you know how Hawkeye will get…” you mumbled, still unaware of your situation. “Just let me sleep for a little longer, yeah?” you smiled, preparing your mind for dreamland, but before you could even think about falling asleep, your damaged leg was grabbed roughly.

“A-ah!” you whimpered, shooting up. “Roy, that- oh.” your eyes widened as you took in the scene. “You’re not Roy,” you said dumbly. You were in a… _cell_? “Where the fuck am I? This isn’t… oh.” everything came back to you. That battle you crashed, that Titan monster, the soldiers coming towards you.

You glared, trying to cover your eyes to block the light. They were chained to the wall, though. There was that woman from earlier, the one who had picked you up, by your legs. She seemed immensely interested in your automail, poking at it with her fingers.

Now that you looked closer, your stolen uniform was cut off in some places, revealing your automail and tattoos. Which was indecent, seeing that your hip bones and the skin of your stomach was pretty much all showing.

“Why the hell am I here?” you demanded. The woman paused, looking up at you. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed two other men, holding a kid your age in a very unpleasant position. You tried to retract your legs as the kid was chained up, but the woman wouldn’t let you, pressing on your automail.

“Do you know why you’re here?” one of the men asked, and you shook your head. “You’re under suspect of being a Titan, just like-”

“Like _those_ freaks? No way in hell.” the woman lunged towards your hand, holding it up and showing off your tattooed scar. “What’s this? What language is it?” your jaw dropped, and you let out a little giggle.

“Don’t forget,” you shifted your eyes to the shorter man, who was holding up your pocketwatch. “We have this. Answer carefully, Titan.” the grip on your hand was relentless as it was presented to the two men.

“Give… let my hands go, and give me back my watch!” you ordered, but the man only gave a mall smirk, tucking it into his coat. “Not until you give us the information we need. You’re clearly not a soldier, everyone we’ve asked hasn’t seen you, except for this recent battle. Not only that, but you were reported to not know how to work your ODM gear.”

“That doesn’t-”

“Warrant you being the same thing as this brat here? Yeah, sure.” you looked to the kid, who was starting to wake up. If only you could move your hands… you would be able to do alchemy. You would be able to get yourself out of here, get back home, and fix your automail.

“What do these markings mean?” the woman asked, gesturing to the markings on your hips. They were tattooed, unlike the back of your hand, which was scarred. “They’re… transmutation circles,” you admitted. “I’m a State Alchemist, one who works for the Amestrian military.”

The shorter man let out a loud chuckle. “You might want to try again. This time, _without_ lying,” you struggled, trying to bring your hands together, but it was to no avail. “I’m _not_ lying! Let me go, I’ll show you!”

“I don’t know, Levi,” the woman said, eyeing your thrashing automail. “I think there’s some truth to what she’s saying. There’s a lot we don’t know, the technology on her arms and legs are advanced.”

“ _Or_ , she could be working with this shit here,” the shorter man, Levi, gestured to the boy next to you, who in fact _wasn’t_ waking up. Instead, he was knocked out against the wall. “Let me show you,” you supplied, trying to make yourself sound as calm as possible.

“Hange,” the taller man spoke, keeping his eyes locked on yours. “Let her go. Unchain her, and let her show us what she claims she can do. Levi can always subdue her if she transforms.”

The first thing you did when your arms were unchained was try to cover your bare skin. Your stolen jacket was gone, though, and you had nothing to work with. With a sigh, you sat up, making sure your hands could touch the floor.

Focusing your mind, you used the metals in the ground to create large spikes, cutting off the other boy from view. “Interesting,” the taller man mused. “What’s your name, State Alchemist?” you shrugged, letting the woman tie your hands back up.

“Major Y/N L/N, also known as the Twice Bred Alchemist.” you introduced. “I’ve never heard of an Amestris before… tell me, Major Y/N, do you know where you are?” you shook your head. “I’ve never seen this place before. These walls and those creatures… I haven’t even seen anything like this.” except Homunculi, but you could tell them about that later. If you were correct, and this was another world, they had _nothing_ like you did.

“You think you’ll be able to handle that, Levi?” Levi slammed his hands on the bars of your cell, making you jump. “Major, huh?” you furrowed your brows at his comment. “You look young enough to be a cadet.”

You rolled your eyes. Whatever he meant, you didn’t know. “It’s different in Amestris. _We’re_ different.” you pointed out. It was clearly just a jab, but after lying about your age for so long back home, it became a sore spot. Basically like Ed’s thing with his height, only yours was illegal.

“I suppose we’ll learn more about you as we go along.” that phrase made you feel icky for some reason. You weren’t an _experiment_ , you were a _person_. A very powerful person, at that. “Like what these marks do.” he tapped the back of his hand, talking about your scar/tattoo as he stared at your tattooed hips.

“Hey, you bastard,” you made him look you in the eyes. “They’re tattoos. Stop staring, it’s creepy.” your words only brought the woman and the other mans’ eyes to your hips. The ink on your hips was purple and black, glinting beautifully in the dim light of the cell.

“You kinda look like Mustang,” you observed quietly, looking at Levi. “Of course, he’s a lot taller, and looks… less harsh.” you chuckled at your own words, before you remembered something.

“Hey, can I get my watch back?” you questioned, trying to be as cordial as possible. You were strong, but there was something about the soldiers that scared the _shit_ out of you. “No.”

“And why not?” Levi and the taller man started to have a silent conversation, exchanging words with their eyes. “It’s an identification thing,” would you tell them the true purposes of your pocketwatch? No way in hell. As weird as it was… you were attached to that thing, and you had a feeling that if you told them that the pocketwatch was a power-up of sorts, you feared they might not give it back.

“It’s an identification thing,” you repeated, and they gave in. The woman took your pocketwatch from Levi, handing it to you. “I don’t have any hands.” you deadpanned, and she tucked the metal into your trousers. “Thanks. Anyways, I think I need a nap.” you leaned your head to the side, letting your eyelids fall shut.

“Wait-” but you were already asleep, tuckered out from the events of today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't be shy follow me on tumblr 😼 @rainteslerrrr (i think that's it- maybe it's three rs? idk)


	5. chapter five

“Yo, hey,” you greeted the kid. “Who are you?” he queried, looking you over. Messy hair, an even messier uniform, strips of skin showing everywhere. Oh, and your metal limbs. “Major L/N, at your service.”

“But-”

Luckily for you, the spikes were gone. Your cellmate had no reason to know about your existence as an alchemist, seeing that there wasn’t such a thing as alchemy here. “She’s not from around here.” Erwin asserted, focusing the conversation on him and Levi. 

You leaned your head back, fixing your eyes on the ground before you. Your hands couldn’t even touch the wall, and they were starting to cramp. Forget that, _all_ of your body was cramping.

As explained earlier, you would be kept a secret. Since you weren’t a Titan (the concept of those things still confused you), and you could do alchemy (they called it magic), their government would immediately try to end your life. Which the soldiers (Scouts, as you learned) didn’t want. Which was odd, because apparently this cell belonged to the government?

“Hey,” you waved as best as you could, and your guards looked back at the two of you suspiciously. “I’m Y/N, what’s your name?” you knew it, but hey, formalities? You could at least be _nice_.

“Eren. Eren Jaeger,” you hummed, following his eyes to your pretty much naked lower body. “What- what _are_ those things?” Eren pointed his chin. “Tattoos.”

“Are you really a Major?” you whistled, looking calm on the outside, but in reality, you were cold as _shit_. “Yep,” you responded. He shifted his gaze to your automail leg, which was _still_ hurt, no thanks to those bastards.

“How is-”

“Don’t even bother. I’m not from around here.” you dismissed, already knowing the answer to his question. He stopped talking to you after that. You didn’t exchange any more words, even as he was pulled out of his cell and taken somewhere.

You sighed. There was _nothing_ to do. Normally, you would let your mind wander, but you couldn’t do that. Not after what had happened. You were scared to let yourself think, scared to let your mind replay those horrific moments.

“Hey!” you flinched at the sudden noise, turning to see the female soldier from earlier (Hange, you reminded yourself. Erwin was the one with the eyebrows, and Levi was the short one). “We have some time to burn, so why don’t you start telling me about your own country?” there was another man with her, the one who also took Eren away.

“Well, actually, I don’t know,” but she was insistent. She wanted, _no,_ she needed (she had a one-track mind, you learned) to know about Amestris. You gave in when she said that she could help you go back home.

So, you explained everything. Your humble beginnings in Resembool, running away, becoming a State Alchemist and taking a desk job. You told her about meeting up with Ed and Al, and you even told her about Rose and Dante. You didn’t tell her about the lying about your age part, though.

She drank your words in hungrily, repeating parts of your stories back to you and asking questions. You answered them honestly, this interrogation feeling more like a therapy session. You told her about the Homunculi and how Lust and Gluttony had caught you at the wrong time, with Gluttony managing to eat your arm and leg before you were rescued.

You told her about your remarkable recovery and how you adjusted to your automail in only a few months, reuniting with your childhood friends shortly after. Your story was truly heartbreaking, to say the least.

You refused to shed any tears, though. You would be strong, if not for yourself, then for Ed and Al, wherever they were. 

“Anyways, what’s my sentence?” you asked at the end of your story. “We have yet to know. Levi’s fighting for Eren, we have no clue what’s going on right now.” you leaned your head against the wall, your body itching to move.

“Say, you guys mind letting me go? I can stay in the cell, but I need to move,” you suggested, and Hange easily unlocked your arms. You groaned as you stretched, being extra gentle with your automail.

“Shit. Mary’s not gonna like this,” you swore, checking out the damage again. It was really only dented, thanks to the strength of the metal, but still. It sucked. And you didn’t know how long it would be until you were back in Amestris. Man, your automail mechanic would _not_ like this.

You pulled your watch out of your pocket, opening it. The photo inside was perfectly preserved, much to your relief. There was you, draped across your mother’s lap. Al was on Trisha’s shoulders, and Ed was by your feet. Pinako was standing behind Winry, and all seven of you were wearing your brightest smiles.

You snapped the watch shut when you saw Hange’s curious eyes. “It’s nothing,” you assured her. “Are you sure?” “I’m sure. Would you mind…?” you gestured to the transmutation circles on your hips, and Hange consented. You pressed your palm to your automail arm, transmuting it into a blade and transmuting it back.

No matter how many times you’d done this before, there was always something so… _enchanting_ about your automail. Yeah, you missed your old body, but it wasn’t to the degree that Ed did. You only went with them because you wanted them to be safe, you had no need for the Philosopher’s Stone.

“So, what’s the news?” you asked, shifting your weight from foot to foot. “You okay?” you asked Eren, whose face was bruised. “You’re half-naked,” Levi quipped, and you rolled your eyes.

“Not _my_ fault you guys decided to literally rip my clothes.”

“ _Stolen_ clothes.”

“Oh, yeah. And what was I supposed to do? Wear a bright blue uniform? That’s a recipe for getting caught.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm currently writing a baby levi's sweaty bread x titan eren fic. should i post it here?


	6. chapter six

Just to your luck, when you had arrived at the alley to find your clothes, only your cloak remained and gloves. Which meant that you would have to continue to wear that ripped uniform, seeing that the Scouts giving you another would be “suspicious”.

You hummed, patting the horse’s snout. “Who are you? I don’t remember there being two Titans.” you chuckled at the older woman, keeping your eyes forward. The last thing you needed was to lead your horse into a tree or something. “Major L/N.” Levi cut in, and the woman looked you over. Ratty white gloves and a black cloak cascading behind you, you looked like some sort of fallen royalty, you supposed.

“Good girl,” you cooed, running your thumb on her cheek. The horse opened its mouth, biting harshly on your automail hand with a loud _crunch_. “Shit!” you cursed, but you didn’t feel any pain. The horse tugged your glove off, chewing on it.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” you puffed out your cheeks as the horse spat out your glove, now tattered and ripped and completely unwearable. “You’re _just_ like the horses back home,” you laughed good-naturedly. “Ed did the same thing. That jerk would take off my cloak and pretend to wear it, even though he had his own. And Mustang. Oh _God_ , Mustang,” you giggled, remembering old times.

“Oh, well,” you shrugged, pulling off your other glove. You held your hand up, playfully glaring as you showed the horse what you were hiding. “Now you’ve done it. See what I have to hide?” the horse neighed, and you grinned as she nuzzled her snout into the crook of your neck.

“Yeah, now you’re sorry,” the horse snickered, not stopping her ministrations. “Major,” you looked back to see Levi. “come on. It’s time to clean.”

“You’re in the basement with Eren.” oh, well. At least it was better than having to sleep on the streets, or that time you, Ed and Al got kicked out of that tavern because _they_ were the ‘imposters’. _Or_ , that time- oh, never mind.

You threw off your cloak, throwing the heavy material to the side as you started to clean. You dusted the corners, got rid of spiderwebs, things like that. It was nice, getting to do such a mundane task without much thought.

You hummed as you worked, not even noticing Eren enter the room until he cleared his throat. You turned around, putting your hand on your waist. He flushed red when he saw you, but he continued to try and speak. “

What is it, Eren?” you asked.

“Captain Levi wants you!” you shrugged your cloak back on, clasping at your neck. “Are you going to lead me to him, or are you…?” Eren snapped out of his trance, apologizing and leading you to the captain.

“Hi?” at the long table sat Levi and his squad, all with different expressions. “Show them.” Levi ordered, and you knew what he meant. Without missing a beat, you let your cloak drop to the floor, letting your ragged uniform show as you displayed your arm. You stared blankly at Eren, transmuting your arm into a blade, just like how Ed had shown you.

“Is that it?” Levi prompted, and with a sigh, you introduced yourself. “I’m Major Y/N L/N, also known as the Twice Bred Alchemist. I work for the Amestrian military, and with a…” you took a second to find your words. “With a run-in with a supernatural being, I found myself here.” you kept your voice monotone, not letting your voice betray your feelings of uncertainty.

“Excuse me, _what_?”

“She won’t explain it again,” Levi snapped, silencing his soldier. “I will, actually,” you stepped in. “In alchemy, we have a Gate, if you will. It’s the source of all alchemic power, and I believe that in my run-in with Dante, I am on the other side.” you explained, but that still didn’t make everyone less confused.

“Listen, I don’t know either. I’m here now, and that’s what matters.” you said as you picked up your cloak. “Wait!” one of the soldiers cried, pointing to your exposed hips. “What are those?”

“They’re transmutation circles, these are what power my alchemy. When my limbs were… gone, I tattooed them so that I could still perform alchemy, even without my hands.”

“Here, take this,” the female soldier, Petra, handed you a stack of clothes. “Oh. Thank you, Petra.” you bowed your head in thanks, watching as she walked out of the basement. You looked at Eren, who was still staring at the markings on your hips.

“Didn’t anyone ever teach you that it’s rude to stare?” you quipped. “I- sorry…” you waved him off, pulling out some casual clothes from the pile Petra gave you. “I’ll be back in a second.”

The clothes were surprisingly comfortable, but honestly, there was nothing you wanted more than your own uniform. You had been wearing it for years, it felt odd not to have it on or even _near_ you.

“Hey,” you grinned, sitting next to Eren. He looked to be deep in thought, and that wouldn’t do. You poked him, your grin getting wider as he flinched. “Major L/N!” you pulled your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around your shins.

“Just call me Y/N.”

“Major Y/N-”

“Just Y/N is fine.” you bumped shoulders with him, noticing his distraught face. “Hey, you’ll be safe. I don’t know much about this place you call home, but I’m familiar with humans. You don’t need to worry.”

“But-”

“I was present at both battles,” you interrupted him again, patting his shoulder. “I saw the damage. I don’t believe I saw you, but hey, maybe I did. Don’t worry about it too much. Even if you’re a threat, I trust that I -and everyone else- can handle man-eating monsters. I mean, where do you think my limbs went?” you gestured to your automail, and he let out a little gasp.

“Are there Titans in Amestris?” “

No, but nice try. Oh, well, actually, I think it could be equated to a Titan. Only, smaller and has control over itself. But yeah, you could call it a Titan.”

“What was it like?” your jaw dropped at his question, and he scrambled to correct himself. “That’s not what I mean! I mean-” you put your hands on his head, starting to weave your fingers through his hair. It was a little weird, but it did the trick. He shut up.

“Quite terrifying,” you murmured. “I thought I was going to die, actually. And painful. I could feel my bones breaking and my skin ripping. Why?”

“My… mom was eaten by a Titan,” you winced. “I want to know what it was like. What she felt in her final moments.” “Yeah? Well, it wasn’t pretty, I can assure you that. Death itself isn’t pretty. It’s mean, and it’s cold and it’s- oh, I wonder what Ed is doing right now.” you lost your train of thought, completely forgetting about Eren next to you as you started to mutter.

“Uhh, Y/N?” you snapped out of your trance, your cheeks flushing. “Oh, uhh, sorry, Eren. Wasn’t paying attention. Anyways, what were you saying? About the Titans and your mom, I mean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well shit i uhm... my hand slipped and now the sweaty titan fic is posted


	7. chapter seven

“No thanks.” you held your hands up, stepping away from Petra. “My training from Amestris is fine. I can make do with my alchemy alone.”

“Captain’s orders.”

“Absolutely not. I am _not_ flying, that shouldn’t be possible-” Petra grabbed your waist roughly, starting to wrap a harness around you. “No, no. I’m not flying. Nope, no thank you. That shit’s scary, and it shouldn’t be possible.” you started to panic, rambling on about why you shouldn’t fly.

“I am _not_ flying,” you glared at Petra. “That shouldn’t be possible! Why would I-”

“Let’s just see if you can balance first. And then we’ll get onto the ‘flying’ part.” she said, attaching ropes to the trees. She hoisted you up, and with a little bit of concentration, you stood still.

“Okay, this isn’t so bad.” “Never mind, this is terrible!” you shouted, holding onto yourself for dear life. Why was this so _scary_? It was… kinda fun, though. Nope, never mind. This was awful.

“Petra, can I come down now?” you held onto the tree branch, looking down at the soldier. She nodded, and you scrambled down the tree trunk as fast as you could, breathing a sigh of relief when your feet finally touched the ground again.

“Is that all?”

“For now. I didn’t realize ‘flying’ would take such a-” but you were already bolting off, going to find a paper to write about your experiences. This gear was… confusing, but maybe it could help Amestris if you got a hold of it? It couldn’t be that hard, seeing that you had automail and they didn’t.

“What’s this?” Levi snatched the notebook from you, staring at the drawings and math equations. “It’s my notes about the ODM gear. It could be good for State Alchemists, you know? It would’ve been so much easier if-”

He threw the notebook back at you, walking out as you fumbled with the paper. “Woah, okay,” you muttered, starting to work on your drawing of Petra using the gear. You drew around her body, trying to convey how fast she could move.

Later that night, Petra brought up the subject of your training to Levi. “Tomorrow, I think I’ll show her how to use the blades,” you held your hands up, raising your eyebrows in question. “Hell no. I can use my automail to-”

“Will your automail kill the Titans?” Levi questioned, and you knew he had you in a corner. From what you had been told and seen, you needed two blades to kill the Titans. You needed to take a chunk of flesh out of the back of their necks in order for them to die.

“I _guess_ we’ll use the swords.”


	8. chapter eight

“Pass me that knife?” with a shrug, Eld handed you the knife he had in his hand. “You might wanna look away,” you warned, before you brutally stabbed your hand, dragging the knife across your skin and following the lines of the transmutation circle.

“What are you-” you clenched your teeth to keep from making any sound, concentrating on outlining the circle.

“Sorry.” you apologized, wiping the blood on the knife on your shirt and offering it back to Eld. “The scar’s fading, and I can’t have that. So is my ink,” you pulled on the waistband of your trousers, showing the purple and black tattoo, which had started to fade again.

“Anyways,” you smiled, putting the knife on the table. “I’m gonna go to bed. See you in the morning.”

“Eren,” you whispered as he bandaged your hand. He had followed you after your little stint, insisting that you had to treat it before it got infected. When you had refused, he had dragged you down into the basement and told you that he would wrap it himself.

“You look a lot like Hughes.” he really didn’t, but there was something about Eren that made you long for your fallen comrade. “He-he’s dead now, but I know he would’ve said something about the likeness between you two.” Eren didn’t respond, probably knowing what it’s like to mourn for a friend.

“Levi looks like Roy, too,” you remarked. “I wonder what he’s doing now. Do you think Alphonse got his body back? Do you think we won?” you covered your mouth as the tears started to roll down your cheeks.

“I wish I could see Al’s new body. I’m sure he would be happy to be able to eat again.” you laughed a little, choking on your sobs. “Jeez, what I would do to see them again. Hear Al’s laugh, compare heights with Ed. I think they’d like you, you know,”

“I think they’d hate it here, though.” you snorted. “Ed would be yelling, and poor Al would have to calm him down.” Eren pulled you in for a hug, something that you hadn’t had in a long time. His embrace was warm, but you could feel how awkward he was. He hadn’t done this in a long time, either.

You leaned your head back against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Wow, you must’ve been _really_ pathetic if someone you’ve known for a week at best had to hug you. You couldn’t bring yourself to care, though. Eren was warm, and that’s all that mattered to you now.

You woke up the next morning draped across Eren’s lap, his face in the crook of your neck. He was snoring heavily, but you didn’t care. It was nice that he put you in front of himself, you would have to thank him when he woke up.

“Eren,” you poked him, but he didn’t stir. In fact, your actions had the opposite effect on him. His arms tightened, caging you in more. “Eren!” nothing. He continued to snore, and at this point, you were getting sleepy again.

“Mmm…” he slurred, and you tensed, thinking that he would wake up. “No… I don’t want to go, Mom. She’s so warm…” your face flushed, and you started to squirm, trying to get out of his grip. You peeled his arms off of you, hurriedly rushing to get dressed before he woke up.

It wasn’t your first time cuddling with a guy, but the fact that you hadn’t known Eren for long made things weird. You could only hope that he didn’t remember anything. You slipped the uniform on, hoping to have a peaceful day.

Or, maybe not. “You want me to _what_?”

“Hand-to-hand with the brat. You’re versed in it, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am, but my automail isn’t made for attacking humans! It could do some serious damage!” you argued. “He’ll regenerate. Those are orders.” Levi said, and that was it. You reluctantly walked over to Eren, holding your fists up.

“You go first,” you offered, and with a yell, he charged. You easily evaded, predicting his movements. “You’re all brawn and no brain,” you observed, blocking his punch. “Take me down from the inside! You need to play dirty to win!” you guided.

You were pleased when he tried to grab your leg, attempting to flip you over. Unfortunately for him, you had another leg. Just as you were about to hit the ground, you swept your automail leg, hitting the back of his knees.

He fell, and you were easily able to grab his hands when you stood up. “Good spar! Normally, it’s-” Eren wrenched his hand from yours, sending a punch flying your way. You held your arm up, his knuckles hitting the cool metal with a nasty _crack_.

“Sorry, Eren,” you apologized, helping him stand. You brought his knuckles to your face, examining the bleeding flesh closely. “You’ve broken it, alright. It’s crazy how much like Ed you are.” you said the last part under your breath.

“So,” Gunther started, and you turned your head at him. He pointed to your exposed hand, the metal glinting in the sun. “how’d you lose those?”

“They were eaten,” you bit into your bread nonchalantly as the others paled. “By… what? By a Titan?”

“A Titan with a mind.” you answered happily, still chewing on your food. “How? You have Titans in Amestris?”

“Not exactly, no. Supernatural beings, I guess you can call them. I was caught at a bad time, attacked, and the bastard managed to eat my arm and leg before help arrived. Got my automail a little after that.”

“Supernatural beings?”

“Yeah. It’s hard to explain,” no, it really wasn’t. “but they’re beings with powers greater than alchemy. Any human can learn alchemy, all it takes is time and practice, but these beings are born with their powers.” you explained.

“One just eats a lot. Sometimes humans, and I was just one of its snacks.” you shrugged at the horrified looks on their faces. “That’s… awful.”

“Not the worst thing in Amestris, but yeah, I get what you mean.” the rest of the conversation went on normally. Levi joined you sometime later, and you got to tell stories about stupid little things like the types of food you had in Amestris and what color your military uniform was.

Afterwards, you had to spar with Eren again. You gave him pointers, telling him where to strike and how to defeat an opponent more skilled. “Good job!” you praised when he finally got a hit on you.

“How are you so _strong_?” he panted. “Well, to be fair, my entire job is around fighting other people. Whether it’s using guns, alchemy, or my fists, I have to be prepared, don’t I?” you stepped on his back, keeping your foot there.

“Now, try to get up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's go bitches


	9. chapter nine

You started to strip, muscles sore from the fighting you had done with Eren. “What are you-  _ oh.  _ I’ll be back.” you looked over your shoulder to see Eren, waving him goodbye as he swiftly exited the basement. 

“Sorry about that,” you apologized, sitting down next to Petra. You dug into your food, ignoring the conversation. You had a little while until dark, you should probably practice your alchemy if you wanted to keep your skills. 

You wandered outside, finding a nice place in the courtyard, by the horses. You threw off your cloak, letting it fall to the floor beside you. 

The sun was starting to set when you lit your lamp. The light illuminated the courtyard just enough so you could see in front of you. You crouched down, pressing your open palms to the ground. 

You had never specialized in any specific alchemy, not like some of your comrades had. So, you had dabbled in pretty much everything. Just to build up a resume, you supposed. 

With a little shout, you started to run, creating fire in your hands as you pushed off of a wall. You continued to jog around, laughing at yourself a little as you let the fire extinguish. Even when you trained with Ed and Al, you couldn’t take yourself seriously. 

You continued to train, though, grinning at Eren when he entered, coming to watch you. “Hey!” you cheered, stopping your workout to approach him. He ended up asking to train with you, and you, being an idiot, said yes, unaware of the tricks he had up his sleeve. 

You raised your leg to kick, but Eren swept his foot under your remaining leg, causing you to trip. You toppled to the ground, your sparring partner tackling you right after. “I win.” you rolled your eyes, hooking your legs around his waist and flipping the two of you over easily, much to his surprise. 

“I- how- I had you!” you pinned his arms above his head, smiling at him. “You did,” you agreed. “ _ but,  _ I got the upper hand. See, by-” 

He took your distracted state to try and flip you over, your back slamming against the ground. “ _ Ouch.  _ You jerk, I was explaining something to you!” you wormed your way out from under him, holding your hand out for him to take. 

“I have to win playing dirty. You said it yourself.” you scoffed, but he had a point. 

“Whatever. Let’s just get to bed.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck,,, fuck u @isayama i'm crying why did she have to die


	10. chapter ten

You gagged, tears filling your eyes as you threw up a few feet away from everyone else. Just- the sight of Eren’s Titan form (half-Titan form?) made you sick to your stomach. It was… jarring. Like flying, but scarier. 

Once you could handle your stomach, you allowed yourself to look. The body was burning, steaming hot. Eren had weird marks around his eyes, and the flesh attached to his body made your stomach churn enough that you had to turn around again. 

You whimpered at the feeling of bile. Normally, things didn’t make you physically sick, but this? This was a whole other level. You had seen some disturbing things, but honestly? That creature that Eren turned into… topped the images of brutal murder in your head. 

You held your finger up, coughing as Petra tried to talk to you. “Sorry, just one second,” she patted your back as you gagged, the scene still unfolding behind the two of you. You wiped your lips, shakily standing back up. 

“You okay now?” you nodded, cringing at the newfound taste in your mouth. “Yeah. Sorry, I’m just… not accustomed to that, I guess.” 

You smiled at Eren, but you couldn’t get the image of that thing he transformed into at lunch. The bare flesh, the heat, the  _ smell…  _ it made you feel sick. You  _ did  _ get sick, which was actually quite humorous, now that you thought about it. 

“Is it really that disgusting?” Eren asked that night, self-hatred laced in his tone. You felt for him… but honestly, it really  _ was  _ that disgusting. “To be honest, it is,” you admitted. “ _ But, _ ” you could practically hear him perk up. “It doesn’t define who you are. I’m also not from around here, so I’m just not used to this, I guess.”

“Oh… that makes sense. Thanks, Y/N.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Time flew by quickly after that. You grew close to Eren, going as far as to call him a good friend. Not like Ed and Al, but a friend. When you couldn’t sleep, it seemed like he had the same predicament, so you stayed up together, just talking.

“I’m gonna be sick-” you covered your mouth, forcing the bile back as you stared at -yep, you guessed it-  _ more  _ dead Titans. “Major! Will you be alright?” you nodded at Petra, leaning on her shoulder and listening to Hange’s screams. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just reread the leaks,,, god i hate it here


	11. chapter eleven

“Hi!” you greeted, waving at the group of people. “I’m Y/N,” you introduced, looking over everyone carefully. Surely, there were more of the famed 104th cadet corps Eren had told you about? 

“I’m Reiner,” he stuck his hand out, and you shook it with your gloved one. “You’re only wearing one glove?” a blond pointed out, and you nodded. 

“Yeah, a horse ate my other one,” you explained, smiling when you heard a couple chuckles. “I’m Bertholdt,” you were delighted to meet the new soldiers, you had seen too much of everyone else for too long. 

They were all really nice, but you could see the sadness in their eyes. The same sadness Roy possessed when he mistook you for your mother. They must’ve had hard lives, living in this place. It was awful, fearing for your life all the time. 

“Oh, yeah. Actually-”

“Major,” came Levi’s voice from behind you. “Erwin wants to speak with you.” you let out a little groan, dreading having to talk to the commander. You shot an apologetic glance to Eren, who simply nodded. 

“I don’t wanna go,” you whined, letting your forehead drop onto Eren’s shoulder. “Go get it done.” 

“I really don’t want to. Can’t you just tell Levi to make him leave me alone?” Eren pushed you off of his shoulder, and with a playful glare, you set off. 

“What is it, Commander?” you eyed the paper on his desk. “I wanted to talk strategy with you,” you furrowed your brows, sitting down. “You do know I’m foreign military, right? Our strategy must be-”

“Levi told me about your notebook. Mind if I see it?” you reluctantly handed it over, letting him see the complicated equations and drawings you had scribbled. Things about ODM gear, the little things you knew on the Titans, even a few alchemy-related things. 

“You’ve analyzed the ODM gear heavily,” he observed. “I think that it would be good for Amestris if I installed that kind of technology there. Being able to easily escape would save a lot of lives.” 

Erwin slid a sheet of paper over to you, sitting your notebook down. “What’s this?”

“The plan for the upcoming mission. What are your thoughts? From what I see, you have a brilliance that could translate into strategy.” you narrowed your eyes, but you unfolded the paper anyway, revealing the plans. 

You scanned your eyes over it, not missing a detail. It was a lot to take in, and by the way Erwin was taking out another journal, you knew you would be in for a long ride. 

“I’ll read the rest of this and get back to you tomorrow, okay?” he nodded, and you darted out, forgetting your own notebook in the process. You flipped through the pages, finding a place on a wall to sit. 

“This man is a fucking genuis,” you marveled. The entire thing was brilliant, even if you didn’t fully understand it. You could appreciate his tactical smarts. 

“Oh, hey,” you looked up, seeing Reiner, one of Eren’s friends from earlier. “What are you looking at?” you pulled out a pen from your pocket, flipping to the only empty page and beginning to write random things. Something told you that Erwin didn’t want anyone else but you to see his plans. 

“Why are you only wearing one glove?”

“A horse ate my other one, and to be honest, my hands aren’t the prettiest.” you explained as best as you could. He didn’t respond, and the two of you sat in a comfortable silence. Your random scribbles soon turned into ODM gear, and-

“Oh, shit,” you cursed. “I left my journal in Erwin’s office.” Reiner sat up, “Would you like me to come with you?” you nodded. Erwin was a scary guy, and you didn’t want to cross him. Everyone here was scary, they held an aura of anger and sadness that set you on the edge. 

“Hey, can I see your hand?” you shook your head, tucking away your hands. “I don’t feel very comfortable taking off my gloves, sorry,” maybe you should get another glove. You had no problem with your transmutation circle showing, but if only wearing one glove rendered suspicion, it would be better to just cover both hands. 

You knocked on Erwin’s door, pressing your ear against the door to hear muffled voices. “Hello? Commander?” you knocked again. “Come in.” you pushed the door open. “I’m just here for my-  _ oh. _ ” there was Erwin, holding up the notebook you needed. He was presenting a page to a few other soldiers, Levi and Hange included. 

“You know what, you can keep it. I can find a new notebook. Hope you enjoy!” you quickly slammed the door shut, looking at Reiner with a relieved look on your face. 

“I think I have to find a new notebook.”

“Eren! Eren!” you called, jogging over to your friend. “Wanna spar? You guys, too! Unless, I’m interrupting something?” you weren’t blind. You could see the death glare Mikasa was giving you. 

“Yeah, sure,” you beamed. “Thanks. Reiner left a little while back, and Erwin has my notebook, so I’ve been-”

“What were you doing with Reiner?”

“Why does it matter, Eren?” you tilted your head, noticing his clenched fists. “He took me to the Commander’s office earlier. Then, he offered to go help me find an empty notebook. There wasn’t anything else,” you lowered your voice, trying to make it as reassuring as possible. 

“Anyways, let’s go spar! Am I allowed to use my automail?”

“Yeah, as long as you don’t do what you did last time,” Eren grumbled, and you let out a little giggle. Last time you had fought, you had surprised him by caging him using alchemy. He wasn’t mad, but he just thought you were playing unfair. 

You got into your battle stance, grinning at your opponent. Eren lunged for you, and the fighting began. Punches, kicks, and words were thrown, none really hostile. Eren tried to corner you, but you were easily able to slip under his arm and kick the back of his kneecaps, causing him to collapse. 

“I’ll go next,” Mikasa stepped up, and after helping Eren to stand, you got into position. She would probably be a tough opponent, now that you thought about it. She clearly knew what she was doing. 

Yet, as the battle started, you were the one with the upper hand. While she was extremely talented, she didn’t have the experience you had. Hell, part of your  _ job  _ was based on how well you could fight. 

You evaded her punch, trying to kick her ribs, but she dodged swiftly. “Oh, so you’re  _ good! _ ” you called, blocking her kick. She swept her feet under yours, trying to trip you, but you hooked your foot onto her ankle and pulling harshly, causing her to fall. 

You hoisted her up, energized from your fights. “Oh, that reminds me,” you hummed, looking down at Erwin’s notebook, his plan tucked inside. “I should go get my notebook now.” you and Reiner hadn’t been able to find anything earlier, and you  _ really  _ liked what you had in that notebook. 

“Uhhh, Erwin, what were you… doing earlier?” you asked, sitting down. “You’ve made some very useful notes. Tell me, do you have any theories about the Titans?”

“But I only wrote about…” 

“You’ve analyzed everything from Titans’ behavioral patterns to the way ODM gear works. Off of little information, I might add. You’ve made assumptions that while we’ve figured out already, you’ve had no information. Do you plan to work as a scientist in Amestris?”

“I plan to work in the military until I die, actually. I only really learned complicated math and science for alchemy. I’m sorry, why do you ask?”

“Hange could use someone like you,” you paused. “Even temporarily, I’m putting you to work with her. You’ll be under Levi’s watch, but-”

“Okay. I mean thank you, sir. Is that all?” you grabbed your notebook, making sure to keep Erwin’s with you. “Yes. I’ll inform her of it later, you’ll start working with her tomorrow.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally learned how to work this fucking website


	12. chapter twelve

The next few days were pretty relaxed with Hange. Actually, no. She was the farthest from relaxed, but overall, you didn’t do anything intense. She mostly went over the information that was known about the Titans. 

You were walking with her to the mess hall when you brought up your theory. “In Amestris, we have creatures called Homunculi,” you started, unsure of whether to tell her or not. “They’re failed humans. They’re what happens when you try to bring someone back to life using alchemy.”

“Are you suggesting that Titans are secret Homunculi?” 

“No, no. Not anything like that,” you waved her off, sitting down. “Titans show no forms of intelligence unless they’re Abnormals. Homunculi have intelligence. But what I’m saying is that we can’t ignore how similar Titans look to humans.” 

“I know, but to think-”

“I’m not saying they’re Homunculi or anything like that, but the fact that Titans both  _ look  _ like humans and only eat humans is something to think about. We quickly chalk that theory up to the way their bodies are built and how they have no digestive tract, but I think that if we could capture  _ one  _ more Titan, we could figure out more.” 

“You have a point, that might be something we look into. Can you use alchemy on Titans?”

“No, and by the way they decompose quickly, I wouldn’t even be able to analyze their skin. But, I think that if we try hard enough, I can get close and try something.”

“It’s a plan.”

You slid down the wall, allowing your mind to try and figure out the Titans, your pen only a few seconds after you. There was clearly no alchemy here, which meant that Titans  _ weren’t  _ Homunculi. But, there was a connection between the Titans and Gluttony that really solidified your theory in your mind. 

“Hey,” you jumped, slamming your book shut. You looked up to see Reiner and Bertholdt, standing awkwardly a little away from you. “Hi. Do you two need something?” 

“What do you think about the Titans?” Reiner blurted, and you moved back a little. “What he means is, what have you been doing at your job with Hange? Eren’s been complaining about not seeing you, and…” Bertholdt trailed off, and you stood up, tucking your notebook to your chest. 

“Nothing. I’m trying to learn all I can about the Titans right now, I haven’t had the time to hypothesize yet. Why?” your words made your mind flash to a conversation with Erwin, one from yesterday. 

_ “Who knows? About me coming from Amestris, I mean.” you tapped your hand on his desk, automail hand finally released from your glove.  _

_ “Only the trusted higher-ups in the Scouts and Eren.” _

_ “I’m not supposed to tell anyone, am I? And that means I should keep my automail a secret, too?” _

_ “Precisely. When everyone’s cleared of suspicion, you can tell them.”  _

“Where’s Eren, then? You said he’s been complaining, would you mind taking me to him?” Reiner coughed awkwardly, and Bertholdt nodded, gesturing for you to follow. “So, uhh, where are you from? I haven’t seen you before,” you turned your attention to Bertholdt, who had started to speak. 

“I don’t know, actually. I’ve been mostly with Levi and his squad, so I guess our paths haven’t crossed before that.” shit. You should talk to Erwin about a cover story later, you feared you might not be able to keep up with your lies. 

“You don’t know where you’re from?”

“No, of course I do. I just mean I don’t know why I haven’t seen you before.” Reiner nodded, and you looked to the ground awkwardly. “He’s in there,” Bertholdt pointed to a set of wooden doors, and you thanked him. 

“Wait!” Reiner called, and you looked back at him. “Would you like to go on a walk later? After dinner, I mean.” you smiled softly. “I would. Thank you.” 

You walked in, quickly finding Eren sitting with a couple of his friends. “Oh. Hey, Y/N,” you sat down, quickly apologizing for interrupting their conversation. “Reiner and Bertholdt told me you were looking for me,” you whispered, leading your head on his shoulder. 

“You’ve been with Hange, haven’t you?”

“Yeah,” you waved to his other friends, who were now looking at you. Well, more specifically, your scarred hand. “I think I’ve found something about them, but I’m not sure. They’re just… unlike anything I’ve seen.”

“Yeah, well, that’s the Titans for you,” someone else chimed in, a girl you hadn’t met before. “Those bastards have been getting the best of humanity for a hundred years now.” 

“What did you find out about them?” you looked over Eren’s friends. You only really knew Armin and Mikasa, nobody else could be trusted. “I’ll tell you later, Hange and Erwin don’t want me to reveal the details. Can’t have people taking credit for my work, now can we?” you joked, but in reality, you couldn’t reveal due to the threat of traitors. 

Your fingers clacked against the table, the sound of metal hitting wood echoing throughout the otherwise quiet room. “Long nails you have,” the girl from before remarked, and you jerked your hand back. 

“Oh, yeah. Anyways-”

“Major L/N!” you looked up to see Moblit. “Hange needs you! She says it’s urgent!” you let out a little groan, not wanting to go back. “Oh, well. There goes my free time. See you later, Eren.” 

“I want you to do more research about your theory. We’ve never met someone from Amestris, and with your knowledge of alchemy and other unknowns, you might be onto something. Can you do that?”

“Of course, Hange.” 


	13. chapter thirteen

“That’s nice,” you hummed. Your walk with Reiner was going fine, but he kept asking you about Titans and where you were from. It was fine at first, but now it was starting to get annoying. 

“To be honest, I think the Titans could be connected to some kind of sickness,” you confessed. “What do you mean?” oh, well. You were too far deep to back out from telling him now. You could only hope that he wouldn’t try to spill this information elsewhere. 

“It’s not a big deal and it’s  _ definitely  _ not correct, but I keep remembering these old stories I used to hear. Myths, of course. And I’m connecting dots that aren’t there, so ignore me. I guess I’m just stressed.”

“What makes you think a sickness, though?” 

“Nothing, Reiner. It’s just a silly rambling. I don’t know what I’m saying,” you tried to backtrack. There was something in his eyes that scared you. You shouldn’t reveal any more of what you were thinking, you didn’t think it would end well. For him or for you. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” he barked out a laugh. “I mean, Titans coming from a  _ sickness?  _ It sounds like a fairytale.” he had a point, but it still stung. 

He started to talk about why he became a soldier, and you listened closely for any information that you hadn’t learned before. There was nothing, though. He just wanted to get revenge on the Titans and return to his hometown with Bertholdt. 

Just as Reiner was going in for something (a kiss? A hug?) you spotted Eren. “Eren!” you called over to your friend, beckoning him over. “What are you doing out this late?” you mock-scolded, although you were indeed worried for him. 

“What are you two doing?” you separated yourself from Reiner, who was glaring at Eren. “He was telling me about his hometown, that’s it. Why, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.” he clenched his jaw, fists balling. “You know what? I think I hear Hange calling me.”

“Wait, Y/N-” but you had already darted off, wanting to get away from this awkward situation. You ran back to your barracks, lighting a lamp and taking out your journal. The sooner you could get that theory to Hange, the better.

You avoided Eren, Reiner and their friends the entire day. Or, well, until Reiner tried to confront you. He had caught you when you had taken a bathroom break, walking out of Hange’s office, where you had been doing your work. 

“I gotta go, Reiner,” you tried to duck under his arm, but he grabbed your wrist, keeping you in place. “Hold on. Eren interrupted us last night, would you like to take another walk tonight?” you shook your head. 

“Hange has me on a report. Sorry, Reiner, I just don’t have time.” this time, when you tried to leave, he allowed you, watching as you walked away. 

“There has to be some sort of connection with Gluttony and the Titans,” you muttered, looking at your notes. As far as you knew, Gluttony had an endless stomach with no digestive tract. Same with the Titans, only they threw up their victims when they were done. 

“There’s no alchemy here, unless?”  _ could  _ there be alchemists here? While the Titans were similar to Gluttony, there wasn’t a chance they could be Homunculi. That would be impossible, seeing that while Homunculi weren’t human, they had intelligence. They could  _ speak.  _ Plus, the materials and people killed to create Titans would be too much of a sacrifice. 

Unless they had a Philosopher’s Stone? No, that couldn’t be possible either. There were too many Titans, but… wait. The way they decomposed so quickly… could that be a sign? But… the Titans were only monsters, they couldn’t pass as human. 

There was no way… right?

That night, when you went to bed, you could’ve sworn you heard rustling. You chalked it up to the wind, but looking back, you should’ve checked your surroundings a little more. 

You rubbed your eyes, getting up and reaching for your notebook. You wanted to review what you had written, you needed to organize your thoughts better, but your hand only met wood. You took a deep breath, opening your eyes and starting to look. 

“Oh shit, oh shit,” you started to panic, checking your bed to see if you had slept with it. You even ended up asking the other soldiers in your barrack, but nobody had seen it. Nobody had heard the rustling from last night, either. 

In the end, you decided not to tell anyone, thinking that you just misplaced it. That didn’t stop you from being on edge, though. Eren had been pestering you about one thing or another during lunch, and you had snapped. 

“Shut up, Hughes! I don’t need your bullshit now!” you pulled at your hair, tears coming to your eyes as you started to shake. “God, fuck. I’m sorry, Eren. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m just stressed,” you reached your hand out, taking Eren’s hand in your own. 

“What’s wrong?” his voice was soft, extremely out of character for the boy whose default emotion was anger. “I just- it’s nothing. There’s nothing to worry about, Eren,” the tears cascading down your cheeks begged to differ. 

“I’m fine, Eren. There’s nothing wrong, I should go. I have work to do.” your friend tried to grab your wrist, to keep you with him, but you wrenched yourself out of his grip, leaving your food untouched. 

The next morning, you found your notebook. You were so relieved that you almost didn’t notice the weird marks covering it. Key word: almost. Your eyes widened as you started to flip through the pages, hands trembling as you realized the worst. 

_ The pages on Gluttony and the Titans were ripped out.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iiiiiii hate it here i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here


	14. chapter fourteen

“What happened yesterday? You ignored me, and then when I tried to talk to you, you completely snapped!” Eren demanded. “I’m… sorry. It’s nothing, but thanks for worrying,” he grabbed the jacket of your uniform, pulling you in for a hug. 

“Let me go, Eren. I have work to do.” you pulled him off of you, roughly placing his hands by his sides. “I don’t need your pity. Don’t make yourself uncomfortable for me,” your mind went back to your newly returned notebook and its less than new condition. 

“Listen. I have things I do,” and notebooks to replace, “I’ll talk to you later.” you walked off, intent on replacing your notebook and hiding it before it could be stolen again. 

“What are you doing?” you stopped your writing, seeing Reiner crouched in front of you. “Nothing. What is it?” he didn’t respond, only coming to sit down by you. You should’ve expected someone finding you, you were in the courtyard, a place open to everyone. 

You two didn’t talk after that, but you could feel Reiner’s eyes on your paper as you sketched the ODM gear again. You could always ask for the blueprint for them, but you felt that if you figured it out on your own, you could add improvements. 

At one point, you could feel Reiner put his hand on your knee, but you ignored it, opting to write. He would probably get bored and leave, Ed used to do the same thing. “Why are you drawing the ODM gear?”

“Hange asked me to see if I can add improvements. My first goal is to understand the basic way it works and interacts with different environments,” you lied. “Why don’t you just ask for a set to test on?”

“Because if I had that, I would decide that it was fine and that I can’t do anything. The whole idea of improvement is starting your work on something flawed,” you guys sat in silence for a little while, until he decided to speak again. 

“Why did you become a Scout?”

“I was forced into here, actually,” you chuckled. “I guess I pursued the life of a criminal, but once Levi got his hands on me, I was trained. And now, here I am.” these lies were coming to you too easily for your liking. 

“Where’s your family?” you shrugged. “Dead, probably. Why?” well, that much was true. You had no clue what had come of your parents after you had left. You only cared about where your mom was, though. You had no sympathy for your dad, not after that bastard left. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s not a big deal. I’m on the same path too, joining the military and all. I can only hope I die an honest death, and not betrayed by any of my comrades.”

“You’re specific. Do you have a fear of betrayal?” you closed your book, shifting yourself to face him. “It’s not that black-and-white. We’re all humans, and we all have our hopes and wants.”

“Would you betray your friends if someone told you to?” Reiner sounded pained, and when you went to go try and comfort him, he moved away from you, acting like your touch was poison. 

“I think it depends,” you spoke after a little while. “I would do it if I had a good reason. Even if I had to stab someone like my own mother in the back, I would do it if humanity benefited from it. You have to remember that even if we matter now, our names won’t be remembered unless we  _ do  _ something. I’m willing to die for the sake of everyone else. Are you?”

“I… don’t know. I don’t want to die,” you knew what he meant. And you didn’t either, but you would. You have had too many near-death experiences to fear it. Now, it was just a fact. You would die, and you couldn’t prevent it, no matter how much you wanted to. 

“Nobody does, Reiner. Nobody wants to live in this world, either. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to live without the fear of the Titans. We live in a scary time,” much to your surprise, he started to cry, fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he buried his face in his hands. 

“I… I’m sorry…” you leaned over, patting his back as he cried. “There’s no reason to be sorry. It’s not your fault,” you wrapped him in a hug, patting his head. “You have nothing to do with these monsters. There, there. Let it out.” you comforted him in the same way your mother would comfort you when you were sad, with hugs and soft words of encouragement. 

He cried into your uniform, whispering apologies. You told him that it wasn’t his fault every time, but he seemed to think that your distress was his fault. It was odd, but you didn’t think much of it. After all, self-loathing wasn’t rare for  _ anyone  _ that worked in the military, even here. 

When he finally calmed, you were able to try and talk things out rationally with him. He seemed distant, though. Almost like he wasn’t here, like he was in his own little world. You let him leave when he said he had to go, thinking your job was done. 

Oh, how  _ wrong  _ you were.


	15. chapter fifteen

“You ready?” you asked Jean, shifting on your horse. Due to Erwin’s (odd) request, your hands were bare, allowing your automail to be shown. Also, he had told you to use alchemy during battle. He had claimed that it would be the best way to show your powers in a way that would prove your loyalty to everyone. 

A bell started ringing, and with a nervous glance behind you, you set your horse forward, following Erwin. “It’ll be okay, just follow the plan,” you reassured yourself. You were extremely familiar with it, but you were still a little nervous. 

You rode through an old town, the ruins tugging at your heartstrings. For some reason, it reminded you of your little hometown of Resembool. You could only hope that your town wouldn’t end up like this while you were gone. 

The scenery of this place was beautiful, and it was sad about how humanity here was forced to cower behind walls. You knew that if this were to happen in Amestris,  _ every  _ State Alchemist, no, scratch that.  _ Every  _ soldier would sacrifice themselves to save Amestris. 

At Erwin’s call, you split from everyone else, following the formation as planned. You occasionally fired a flare, signalling the appearance of a Titan, which was quickly taken care of. You forced your eyes forward, going over the plan in your head. 

“Armin!” you called, seeing the blood covering the top half of his face. You jumped off your horse, cupping his face in your hands. “Are you okay? What happened?” you worried while Reiner started asking Armin questions. Jean pulled up with his horse, listening in and informing the three of you about the right wing.

Armin started to speak, but it all turned into white noise as dread filled your body. “No… all gone?” your hands trembled, and you clutched them to your chest as Jean confirmed it. “All those lives lost… and for what? Oh, oh no. This is turning into Scar all over again, isn’t it.” you mumbled the last part. 

“Mhm,” you nodded, pulling off the Scout cloak and tucking it in your horse’s saddle. “I’ll do it. I’ll avenge those lives.” 

“Y/N, you should-”

“No. I need to be able to see if I’m going to take it down,” you declared, climbing onto your horse. You started to ride, taking in the sight of the giant Titan as you waited for the right moment. 

“I got this!” you yelled, getting your horse as close as she allowed. You hopped off, letting her ride back to the others as you dropped down. You pressed your palms to the floor, imagining what you wanted. 

A giant array of spikes appeared out of the ground in front of the Titan, and you grinned when it stumbled. You darted forward, trying to get a hand on its foot. You could hear the others yelling, telling you to get away, before the Titan grabbed you. 

It pulled you up to eye-level, and the two of you shared a moment of eye contact before she relaxed her fist, letting you crash to the ground. With a sickening  _ crack,  _ you could feel something in you break. 

You managed to look up, seeing the shadow of the Titan’s foot right above you. You let yourself relax, deciding to not put up a struggle. Just as its foot was about to crush you, Reiner screamed something, and it turned away from you, going after the others. 

“I’m sorry, everyone…” you rasped, letting your eyelids fall shut. The pain was overwhelming, you had probably broken your ribs. You could hear shouting, and you could feel blood spray on your face. Sick dread filled you as you were once again grabbed. 

You could feel movement, heavy,  _ heavy  _ footsteps. Your body was being jostled, but honestly, you thought it  _ was  _ death. Until you managed to open your eyes. You were being caged in by the Titan’s hand, and it was running. 

You groaned as the movements jostled your injuries. You could feel blood everywhere, -you were covered in it, in fact- blocking your eyesight as it dripped down your face. 

The Titan shifted your position, wrapping your body in its fist, which it left rest at its side as it ran. Your body wasn’t being moved as much, but you could still feel the weight of its footsteps. Oh, well. It could be worse. At least in  _ this  _ way, you weren’t dead. 

Or, maybe you were. Everything around you blurred as you fell to the ground again. This time, your body couldn’t keep you awake. You lost consciousness as your body hit the ground, only worsening your injuries. 

Annie continued to run, this time being a little more careful. That soldier had almost grabbed you, and she couldn’t have that. You were special, now she could see it. She had been skeptical when Reiner had asked her to retrieve you and keep you safe, but now that she saw your… abilities, she was much more convinced. 

She couldn’t help but pity your broken form, though. You were bloody, and she kind of regretted harming you so much. Especially since Reiner would be mad that she had done so much damage, but that was something to worry about later. 

Annie caught up with Eren, taking down the soldiers that had crossed her path, still being cautious of you. You were moving inside of her fist with every step she took, but it couldn’t be helped. 

The Scouts watched as your body fell from the Titan’s grip, about to be eaten by the approaching Titans. Levi swooped in at the last minute, though, grabbing your body and carrying you bridal-style.

You cracked your eyes open, the sight of your savior putting you at ease, even with the pain. “Mustang…?” your lips curled into a small, pain-filled smile. “Thank you, Roy. I’m glad you’re to always save my stupid ass,” you leaned against your savior’s chest, head lolling to the side as you let yourself go. 

You woke up next to a familiar person. Ignoring the pain it caused, you reached out, taking his hand. “Hello, Hughes…” you sighed, looking at the sight of your sleeping friend. Just as you remembered. 

“Thank you for staying alive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol.


	16. chapter sixteen

The next time you opened your eyes, you were in someone’s lap. Reiner’s lap, to be specific. He was holding onto your hand, discussing something with Bertholdt quietly. Bertholdt was the first person to notice your newfound consciousness, and Reiner followed his eyes, a smile coming to his face. 

“You’re awake,” you tried to sit up, but your midsection burned with pain. “You look better than before. Most of the blood’s gone.”

“Where’s Eren? He survived, didn’t he?” your voice was soft and raspy, giving away your pain, and Reiner pointed to the body of your friend. “Take me to him,” you whispered, and then Eren’s head was turning to you, tears in his eyes. 

“Where’s the rest of the squad?” your friend looked away, his tears the answer you needed. “I can… bring them back,” you promised, more to yourself than to him. “I don’t even need their bodies, I can bring them back. I  _ will  _ bring them back.”

“Is that even possible?” a nervous Reiner asked. While you just thought he was nervous about your injuries, he had seen your notebook, which had talked about how to create Homunculi- creatures that were potentially stronger than Titans.

“I’ll bring them back, I’ll bring them back,” you chanted it like a mantra, trying to keep yourself from breaking down. “Ed might not have been able to do it, but I will. I’ll bring them back, I promise, Eren.”

You had forced yourself back on your horse- much to everyone’s concern. With a glare and a mumbled threat, though, they left you alone. Even Erwin didn’t want to cross you. You kept your head high, refusing to let the pain get to you as every step made your injuries hurt more. You wouldn’t make a fool of yourself, though. Not now. 

“ _ Shit, _ ” you cursed, hearing the news. The Capital? That couldn’t be good. “Erwin, should we-”

“We have to. It’s not our decision anymore,” you shook your head, trying to reason with the commander. “There has to be  _ something  _ we can do. I won’t just let Eren die. You have to be thinking of a plan.” 

“I am, but it’s risky.” 

“Well? Tell me, we can form this together.”

You hobbled along with Armin, your crutches clacking against the stone of the road. “Are you  _ sure  _ you can handle this, Maj-”

“Shut up,” you growled, before taking on a lighter tone. “I’ll slap you with my crutch if you call me Major again. And I’m  _ perfectly  _ fine, thanks for asking. But seriously,” you stopped with him, waiting until Annie came into sight. 

“I’ll be okay. Just listen to my orders, okay?” he nodded, and the two of you stood in silence. You knew he was worried -hell, everyone was. You were still injured!- but you could handle yourself. You weren’t a kid, you hadn’t been for a while. 

“Who’s this?” Annie tilted her head at you, giving you a nasty stare. “I’m Y/N, Armin’s girlfriend.” you introduced, just as the plan went. Annie was fond enough of Armin to let him live, something you could play on. 

“I’ve never seen you before.” she pointed out, and you could see through her lie. “I’m not from your cadet division, actually. But, we need to talk to you. It’s important.” 

“I don’t know much about your relationship,” you started, taking in Annie’s slight expression change. Good. Your words were getting to her. “But I think that-”

“Y/N, it’s okay,” you shook your head, your body weight falling onto Armin’s shoulder as you adjusted yourself to get closer to Annie. “Please. We’re begging you to do this for us. We care for Eren as much as you do. We-”

“I’ll do it.” you breathed a sigh of relief. Good. You would be able to complete the plan. You smiled, starting to talk as the three of you met up with Eren and Mikasa. 

“Major-” your smile became strained. “Mikasa,” your voice was small, yet it rang clear through the open area of Stohess. “I’ll hit you with my automail if you call me Major again. I’m sure Levi and Erwin won’t mind if I rough up some of their soldiers.” 

The rest of the walk was silent, and as planned, you separated from the four when it was time. “I trust you’ll show Annie the rest of the way,” no matter how much it sucked, Erwin didn’t want to risk you getting even more injured. You were a valuable soldier, and it would be bad if you lost your life here. 

You planted a small kiss to Armin’s cheek, waving goodbye to everyone as you hobbled off. Your stomach churned as you made your way to where you were supposed to be, by the water. As according to plan, there was no one there, only civilians passing by. 

A few took note of your overall appearance, the cloak you had come to love hanging off of your shoulders. You leaned slightly over the railing, letting your hand dangle above the flowing water. It was beautiful, but nothing could compare to Resembool and Amestris. 

An explosion. You could hear screaming, and then sounds of crashing. You snapped your head up, looking towards the scene. You contemplated dropping your crutches and running into battle, but before you could move, Erwin’s words rang through your mind. 

_ “If you’re injured during that battle, you’ll be useless. Are you willing to sacrifice that?” _

No, you weren’t. Even if you couldn’t protect your friends now, you could conserve your energy and fight for them later. You raised your hands to your ears, trying to block out the sounds of the people you couldn't save. 

Tears pricked your eyes, spilling over your lash line as you watched Stohess be destroyed. You dropped your crutches, not even bothering to stay long enough to hear them clatter against the cobblestone as you started to run. 

You didn’t care what Erwin or Levi or Hange or even  _ Eren  _ thought. You were a soldier, your job was to protect people, even if they weren’t your own.

Your eyes picked over the scene, body acting on instinct as you rushed forward. You threw yourself in front of the woman and her child, erecting a wall in front of you three to block the boulder rocketing towards you. 

You breathed heavily, looking back at the mother child duo, who were crying. You sucked your own tears back, patting the little girl on the head. Luckily, you were backed up against a house, and the wall you created had a roof, so they would continue to be safe. 

“Thank you…” you let out a small chuckle, standing up. “It’s no problem. Now, just stay behind here, okay? I’ll come back to tell you when the battle’s over.”

“Wait!” you turned back, your body outside while your head peeked inside of the wall (house?) you had created. “How did you do that?” you pressed a gloved finger to your lips, “A great magician never reveals her secrets.”

And then, the battle was over. You had been hit by debris, and you had agitated your still-healing wounds, but you were alive. Your adrenaline high over, you collapsed against a house, your body sliding down to the floor. 

_ You did your job,  _ you told yourself, your limbs heavy against the pavement. You had saved lives, and now, you could rest easy. You let your eyes fall shut, your body too tired to move. Normally, you would be getting up and running towards your comrades, but you were dizzy, exhausted from your fighting. 

_ I’ll get up later _ , you promised yourself,  _ I just need a moment to rest.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry! there's a little confusion about the way y/n processes things (ex. the way she mistakens people for someone else, the way her father is brought up) and i swear i'll explain it in the later chapters. my brain is running faster than my fingers and it's hard to fully get down my ideas. ty for bearing with me!


	17. chapter seventeen

“Eren?” you crawled forward, sitting on his bed. “You’re supposed to be resting,” he frowned. “I’m fine. But, are  _ you  _ okay? I just…” you clenched your fists, scolding yourself internally for letting your friend get hurt. 

“You’re an idiot.” Eren’s eyes widened at your change in attitude. “You’re an idiot, and I hope you know that I’m angry at you for getting hurt.”

“I’m not-” your fingertips pressed against his forehead, shutting him up. “Yes, you are. You’re hurt emotionally, you dumbass. Even if your Titan powers healed you, you messed up.” you were changing your narrative, but you didn’t care. You were angry at Eren, even if you had no real reason. 

He stayed silent, even as you pulled him closer into a hug. His back against your chest, his head on your shoulder. You whispered angry words to him, not wanting to wake Mikasa up, who was sleeping in a nearby chair. 

“Titans have- oh.” you snapped to attention, fighting off your drowsiness. “What is it, Armin? Spit it out already.” 

“Titans have invaded Wall Rose!” you gasped, pushing Eren off of you to wake Mikasa. “Alright. I need to go speak with Erwin about this. The two of you, tell Mikasa the news.” you set out, grabbing your crutches.    
  


“I don’t know,” you muttered. “What’s wrong, Y/N?” you wrung your hands, mind starting to race. “It must be nervousness, but I feel like there’s something wrong. Not wrong like the Titans invading Wall Rose, but something… deeper than that.”

“Oh. Tell us if you have any theories about that, then.” you nodded, starting to speak with Hange. From the expedition to the fight between Annie and Eren, you had forgotten about your notebook. Now, the fear and the anger surrounding the missing pages was at the forefront of your mind. 

“Can I see that?” you gestured to the crystal, taking it from Hange’s hands. “Could you produce something like that with alchemy?” she whispered, keeping her voice low. “I’m not sure. I’m sure that back home I could figure something out, but with the technology here, it’ll be nearly impossible for me to figure this out.” you mimicked her tone of voice, the conversation ending shortly after that. 

“You know,” you drawled, pulling off your glove to reveal your automail. You quickly transmuted it into a blade, never breaking eye contact with the pastor. “I’m not familiar with these things, but I’m sure that I could do the trick if you won’t talk. Actually, let me tell you something.”

You took a pause, transmuting your arm back to normal and slipping your glove back on. You leaned back against the carriage wall, crossing one leg over the other as you gave Nick a lazy stare. 

“Back home, we had a man named Scar,” his eyes widened at the words ‘back home’. “He was a serial killer, going after only State Alchemists. Now, do you know  _ how  _ he killed his victims?” your eyes filled with glee at his now uncomfortable expression. 

“If I’m correct, he turned part of their brain into gunpowder, igniting it. He quite literally blew their minds. It’s a messy death, but it gets the job done. You don’t want that to happen to you,  _ do  _ you, Mr. Nick?” he stayed quiet, turning his head to the side. 

Your words unnerved everyone else, but if that was the price for scaring the pastor into talking, it was worth it. “Oh well. It really does suck for you, though. I would’ve at least been nice.” 

“Nice with what?” Eren questioned. 

“Nice with the torture,” you leaned forward, resting your chin on the palm of your hand. “Although, I guess that no form of torture is nice… but I’m sure that if you wanted to talk, I would be gentle. You wouldn't suffer all that much, I’d make sure of it. Actually-”

“That’s enough.” Levi cut in, and you fell silent. “We’ll be the ones dealing with Nick.”

“I’m sure you will be,” you agreed. “I’ll be here if you need that extra…  _ alchemic  _ boost to help him open his mouth, though.” man, spending time with Roy really ruined your innocent. Not that it wasn’t ruined before, but you were sure that you wouldn't be threatening to torture someone if you hadn’t met the colonel. 

You leaned your head back, throwing your forearm over your eyes. You couldn’t even count the days since you had arrived here, in this strange place. You couldn’t leave these walls for fear of death from a human-eating monster. Their technology here was behind yours, leaving you and everyone else confused when you talked about things like photographs and cars. 

Hell, even the  _ year  _ was different here. At first, you had assumed you had managed to travel back in time, but you would’ve for sure known if the world was once plagued by Titans. You pushed that theory into the back of your mind, trying to focus on survival here. 

You needed to start thinking about ways to get home if you even wanted to see Resembool again. There was no point in trying to go on foot, you probably weren’t even in the same world as Amestris. And besides, even if you were, you would be eaten by a Titan not even a little away from the Wall. 

You let your eyes close, pushing all thought out of your mind as you slowly started to drift off. “Y/N,” or, maybe not. You let out a little groan, peeking your eye open to look at Hange. “Don’t fall asleep yet. You need your wits.”

“Oh, Sasha,” you gently pried the letter from her hands, opening it and showing it to Hange. Your eyes flitted over the page, taking in the information. “Well shit,” you swore. “I swear it wasn’t this complicated back home. First we have a liar, and now this?” even if it  _ was  _ this complicated back in Amestris, you would’ve been able to handle it. You could barely process the Titans, how could you deal with this?

You charged forward, slamming your hand against the ruins of the castle. Now, with a giant hammer in hand, you ran towards a smaller Titan. It roared, hands reaching out to try and grab you, but you dodged, swinging the hammer with all your might. 

With a nasty  _ pop,  _ the head flew away, the body coming to a stop. Just to make sure of your success, though, you smashed the stump, finishing the thing off. You didn’t stop slamming your stone mallet into its neck, though. 

You ignored your surroundings, taking out your anger on the Titan remains. The body was steaming and your hand was starting to burn, but you didn’t care. Your face was neutral, staying still as the rest of your body moved violently, crushing whatever was left of it. 

You didn’t stop until the noises of battle died down. The body had almost fully decomposed, so by now you were just hitting the ground. You let the hammer drop from your hands as you surveyed the damage. 

It was bad, and it seemed like everyone was crowding around something. You ignored it, noticing how your body didn’t ache very much. You were either still on an adrenaline high, or your wounds had healed a little. You could only hope it was the latter. 


	18. chapter eighteen

“Eren,” you put your hand on your friend’s shoulder, looking at Reiner with an expectant expression. “What is it, Reiner?” you came to stand in front of Reiner, tilting your head at him. 

“We need to speak to Eren.”

“Okay, go ahead.”

“Alone,” you shook your head. “No. You can talk to Eren with me here, can’t you?” you pressed. With a little more banter, Reiner gave up. He lowered his voice, spinning a tale of him being the ‘Armored Titan’, the very same one that destroyed Wall Maria. 

You barked out a laugh, waving him off. Bertholdt had started to stutter, but you cut him off. “I’m going to go. Call me over when you’re going to say something serious.” you turned on your heel, but Reiner grabbed your wrist, stopping you in your tracks. 

“No, we need you to come with us. You’ll be useful. You’ll have a nice life.” you snorted, trying to rip your arm from his grasp. “What are you  _ saying,  _ Reiner?” it shouldn't have gone like this. They shouldn’t be the traitors. 

“Please, let me go,” you begged, tugging harder. “Reiner, you don’t know what you’re saying. Please, I need to talk to Hange.”

Tears pricked your eyes as Reiner started to declare something, his hand still circling your wrist. You slowly got on your knees, your free hand finding purchase against the stone of Wall Rose. You would be ready to strike, no matter when. 

And then, your arm was released. In the two moments you had taken to look up from the ground, you were blown back, your back slamming against the stone. You groaned, trying to open your eyes, but the sight you were met with wasn’t worth it. 

It was a giant red hand coming towards you. You couldn’t move- the wind was knocked out of you, too. You couldn’t do anything as you were lifted up, your body nearing the mouth of what must’ve been the Colossal Titan. 

The inside of its mouth was disgustingly warm and wet, the smell causing you to gag. And you did. Another Scout was with you in its mouth, it was Ymir, still unconscious. You heard your name be shouted, but you couldn’t respond. You feared that if you were to open your mouth, you would throw up from the mere smell of this Titan’s mouth. 

You tried to pull out your blades to fight your way out, but when they made contact with the flesh, they didn’t do anything. You couldn’t cut the flesh, no matter  _ how  _ much pressure you placed on the skin. 

You kept your eyes shut and your mouth closed, leaning against the teeth of the Titan. If you were lucky, you would survive. You could manage to get out of this- whatever this  _ was- _ and you would get back home to Amestris. 

Some time later, you were woken up. You hadn’t recalled waking up, and you sure as hell couldn’t recall ever being in these surroundings before. You looked around a little more, noticing trees and Titans. 

“Where… where are we?” your hands patted your sides, but your ODM gear and- oh, oh no. Your pocketwatch was gone! With your muscles aching, you started to pat quicker, trying to find the thing. 

“We have your ODM gear, so there’s no point in trying to escape.” your head snapped up, and the sight of Bertholdt and Reiner made you feel sick. “Give it- give it back. I don’t want to be here,” to your left was Eren, knocked out with his limbs cut off. To your right was Ymir, who was slowly starting to wake up. 

“Why would you do this? What’s the point?” your voice was small. “You’ll be useful back home, your powers will-”

“No. I'm not doing that, I can’t.” you tried to scoot back, to move away from the traitors, but your back only hit against a tree. You groaned, glaring at those…  _ bastards.  _ “I won’t do anything for you. My only goal is to-”

“You don’t have much of a choice,” Bertholdt stepped in. You pressed your hands to your head, blood coating your teeth as you grinned. “I’d rather kill myself than serve you traitors.”

“Then you’ll never see your home country again, and you’ll never know the secret of the Titans you’ve been working to find.” Reiner’s voice was smug, and you could hear the smirk in his tone. 

“Shut  _ up, _ ” you growled. “I’m perfectly fine without knowing the ‘secret of the Titans’, whatever that means.” were you  _ really?  _ You had been working hard and-

“You’re a genius, Y/N. Your theories are-” everything clicked. 

“ _ You’re  _ the one who stole my notebook?” Bertholdt gave a guilty nod, and you raised your fist in anger, ready to fight. “It was  _ you?  _ You’ll pay for that!” you tried to stand, but you lost your balance, and then you were tumbling down from the tree. 

You were caught by Reiner right before you could hit the ground, his arms encircling your waist. Without any thought, you let your arms wrap around his neck, glad that you weren’t injured any more. 

“She’s dangerous. And we can’t injure her too severely, or she won’t recover,” Bertholdt whispered. “I’ll handle it, don’t worry.” you lazily looked up, not even able to process Reiner’s figure coming towards you until your head was slammed against the tree, knocking you out cold. 


	19. chapter nineteen

You slept for the rest of… whatever was happening. Reiner made sure to knock you out every time you showed signs of consciousness. Eren was enraged at your treatment, but he couldn’t do anything besides scream. 

“What good is she?” Ymir asked, staring at your crumpled form with obvious disgust. “She has abilities far beyond Titans powers. Titans ignore her, too. It’s because of her metal limbs.” Reiner said, quoting your stolen notebook. 

“‘Abilities far beyond Titan powers? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s… hard to explain. When she wakes up, I’m sure she’ll show you,” knowing you, Reiner thought, you wouldn’t do anything he asked of you. You wouldn’t do anything anyone asked of you if you didn’t want to, even with some of your superiors. 

“Why did we bring her along instead of Christa? She’s too weak to open her eyes, let alone fight,” Ymir observed. “That’s not true!” Eren shouted, shocking everyone at his sudden words. “Y/N’s one of the strongest in the Scouts!” 

“It’s true,” Bertholdt shot a glance towards your unconscious form, your breathing heavy and even. You looked so peaceful, even with the blood covering your head and face. He could only wonder if you would look so peaceful if you learned what he and Reiner were fighting for. 

Would you join their side? Or would you take a stand with Eren and the others? He couldn’t know for sure. What he did know, however, is that all you wanted to do was get back to your home country of Amestris. 

Bertholdt hadn’t heard of it, and the way you wrote about it made him think that it could be in a whole other universe, if that was even  _ possible.  _ You were just confusing, that’s all there was. Amestris was probably code for another- no, because he had never heard of ‘alchemy’ before. 

So, who were you, really? What were you fighting for, if not to go back home? Surely, he could convince you to join his side if he told you that he could help you get back home? Right? 

“Ed…” you murmured, still sleeping. Reiner moved to knock you out again, but Bertholdt stopped him, intrigued at what you had to say. 

“Please go to bed. Al, you too,” you paused. “I know you can’t sleep, but you should at least try to get some rest, you know? Even suits of armor need rest.” 

“Oh. She’s just dreaming, Reiner. Let her be.”

“What are you doing, Ed…? You know you’re not supposed to be playing with your automail. Don’t make me get Winry and Mary on your ass… no, that doesn’t excuse it.” you continued to mutter, speaking in your sleep as you dreamed of a better place. 

“Y/N L/N, at your service. I’m the Alchemist you’re looking for, Mrs. Hughes.” your dream switched, and then suddenly you were standing in front of Hughes’ wife, Elicia on her hip. 

“I wonder what she’s dreaming about. Must be nice to be asleep right now, isn’t that right?” 

“It’s probably a pain response,” Bertholdt concluded, ignoring Ymir’s earlier comment. “Her human body can’t heal like ours do, so her brain is creating an illusion to distract her from the pain she’s feeling.” 

“Dad, where are you going?” your voice turned even smaller, taking on a higher pitch. “Are you leaving because of the war?” all eyes turned to you. Even Eren, who Bertholdt assumed had fallen asleep. 

“It ended, Dad. Mom said that we can be safe and happy now.”

“Wonder what fucked  _ her  _ up,” Ymir jerked her chin towards you, who was still babbling about a war. 

“No, please don’t go,” you whimpered, and Reiner felt a spark of pity in his chest for you. What happened during your childhood? What was going on? Why had your dream switched so suddenly?

“I’ll kill those bastards! I’ll kill them, and then you can come back home!” you declared, your body falling limp as the screen that played your life went dark. Your breathing was still even, and you were still sleeping, but you were no longer dreaming.

“Jeez, what was that all about? That was pathetic to watch.” 

“Cut it out, Ymir,” Reiner’s voice held a tone of finality. “It’s not like you don’t have any problems.” 

“I certainly don’t hallucinate like her, that’s for sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hated this chapter and this arc itself. oh well, it can't be helped now. this trash is posted and i'm too lazy to take it down.


	20. chapter twenty

Bertholdt slammed the hilt of his sword into the back of your head, ensuring your unconsciousness. He knew you would resist if you were awake, he would rather have to carry your weight then fight you. 

After all, who could determine your true strength?

He had Eren on his back, your body hanging off his shoulder haphazardly. You were still muttering, but it was so quiet Bertholdt had no hope of even hearing what you were saying. You were still in his grasp, too, your body devoid of movement. 

Bertholdt screamed and screamed and screamed, but nobody would listen to him. The fear was closing in on him, narrowing his vision. You were starting to wake up, too. You were mumbling, asking where you were. He was beginning to despair his situation. 

“Oh. Hello there, Eren.” there was a smile in your voice, still groggy from sleep. Good. You were awake, but you didn’t know what was going on yet. He still had time to knock you out and escape with Reiner and Ymir. 

After what seems like hours of fighting, it was over. He had lost, and you were nestled in the arms of an angry looking Jean. No, there was still time left. If only he could-

“It’s too late,” Bertholdt whispered, surveying the damage of the battle. Titan bodies were everywhere, human blood splattered across every body, no matter their species. You were passed onto Sasha, and Eren had possessed the coordinate, and-

Bertholdt let out a desperate cry, filled with emotion. He had  _ failed,  _ and so had Reiner. This was his main opportunity, and he had lost it due to carelessness. With tears in his eyes, he vowed to get you and Eren back to his hometown. 

So he could be the hero he always wanted to be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i might be taking a break on this story! i haven't lost motivation, but school is starting and i'm trying to finish as much anime as i can before i have to go back. this is the last chapter for now!


	21. chapter twenty-one

“I…” you paused, surveying the room. It hurt, it  _ hurt _ knowing how much time had passed since that battle. You were unconscious, but scenes of your kidnapping emerged in your dreams every night. Well, when you  _ could  _ sleep. 

“I don’t want to be on the Levi Squad.” you murmured to yourself. You didn’t. Your heart couldn’t stand to be a replacement for your fallen comrades. You could only  _ imagine  _ what Levi was feeling right now. 

You collapsed into a chair, burying your face in your hands. It was too much. You were able to manage the homesickness in the beginning, but now, with unavenged life after unavenged life on your shoulders, there was nothing you could do to ignore the growing black cloud of emotions.

Tears started to roll down your cheeks, and soon enough, your shoulders were shaking with sobs. You didn’t know where the others were, but you didn’t care. You had had enough of this wretched world, enough of this hell. 

The images that you had worked so hard to keep out of your head came flooding back. You gripped your hair as battle after battle and struggle after struggle played on what seemed like a loop. 

Memories from home, your father- dear lord, you hadn’t thought about your father in so long. You could barely remember what he looked like, but images of his tanned skin and red eyes came flooding back to you.

It was overwhelming, the sensation of memories unlocking. 

Sometime later, once you had fallen asleep at the dinner table, you heard voices. “Her burden is different from ours,” the voice was familiar, rough yet soft sounding. “Y/N has the weight of her country on her shoulders. Let her sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who guilted themself so bad they had to write?? that's right, this stupid bitch. sorry for the short chapter, it's the only thing i could think of.


	22. chapter twenty-two

The next few days were awful. Eren failed at every hardening experiment he tried, and at this rate, you were slowly losing hope. 

It’s not like you didn’t believe in your friend! It was just… you couldn’t depend on an unreliable person. Eren was a liability until he could prove that he had mastered his Titan powers. It was hard to say it, but it was true. 

Tensions were high on the Levi Squad. Every day resulted in something new. Whether it was good or bad, well, that was Lady Luck’s choice. 

You gripped the kettle, breathing heavily as you heard loud footsteps approaching. Everyone else was supposed to be out with Eren working on experiments, so it must’ve been an intruder. Your knuckles turned white with the force of your hand, and your arm tensed in preparation. 

As soon as the door opened, you struck. Letting out a little cry, you chucked the kettle, a loud shout following the sound of metal hitting flesh. “What the hell was that for?!” shit. It was Eren, and not someone else. 

You bowed your head in shame, realizing how silly it was of you to think it was someone other than the squad or Levi. “I’m sorry, Eren. I didn’t realize.” Luckily, there was no water in the pot, so the worst thing that would happen was a bruise. 

“Give me a warning next time, okay?” you cracked a smile, immense guilt settling on your shoulders. You thought he would be angrier, but you guessed that there was no time for feuding.

“I’m really sorry, though.”

“What were you doing with that kettle, anyway?” Eren switched the subject, and suddenly, you realized that you couldn’t remember. 

“I.. don’t know…” you murmured. 

“You’re acting weird. You alright?” you nodded, but you couldn’t deny that you felt odd. Like, there was a pressure weighing on your chest, one that made it feel like it was hard to breathe. It wasn’t injuries, because this feeling only caused shortness of breath, and not pain. 

“I’m… sorry for being so useless,” you apologized, wincing when you thought of your and Eren’s attempted kidnapping. “I could’ve done more. No, I  _ should’ve  _ done more.”

“You were unconscious, they hit your head against a tree.” you glanced over to your friend, whose fists were clenched. His teeth were gritted, and his expression morphed into one of anger and frustration. 

“My alchemy would’ve made it better, though,” you argued, eyebrows furrowing. 

“Stop it!” you flinched at his sudden shout. “There wasn’t anything you could’ve done, so stop acting like it!” there was a pregnant pause, the only sound in the room being Eren’s heavy breathing. 

Finally, you let out a sigh. “I know, but I can’t help but think about it. I wasn’t this useless back home.” you frowned. 

Eren had nothing to say in response. Instead, he only picked up the kettle, placed it back on the stove, and left. You clenched your fists, considering throwing the kettle again, just to let out your frustrations.

No, that wouldn’t do you any good. You should just… what  _ should  _ you do? Eren was out experimenting, and you were sure that you would only bother the others with your presence, so what was left?

You could- no, you didn’t want to think about your notebook. You didn’t want to think about how your careless placement and giving away too much has given the enemy information. How Reiner and Bertholdt got their slimy hands on- no, you wouldn’t think about it. It was a problem for future you. 

But, there were some things you couldn’t deny. Reiner and Bertholdt were good people, they were just… on the wrong side. 

But… maybe they could help you get back home? They couldn’t be working alone, and if they weren’t, that would mean there were humans outside of the Walls! And that could mean that maybe Amestris was outside of these Walls!

No, you were getting yourself too worked up. There would be no chance, and even if there was, you still would’ve had to do something like time travel (which was impossible) for you to get to a year over a millennium before yours. 

This was ridiculous! Who were you fooling? There was no such thing as time travel, no matter how much you wanted it to happen, there was something at work here far greater than your alchemy. Or maybe it was some sort of god, no matter how unbelievable it sounded. 

Dear lord, Edward would slap you with his automail if he ever heard you! Some sort of  _ god,  _ controlling things? It was bullshit! The only god that existed was science! What has gotten  _ into  _ you? 

You really needed a nap. Training or thinking be damned, you wanted nothing more than to lie down and sleep for a couple hundred years. If that could even do anything, anyway. Your stress and overall mental state would take a  _ lot  _ more than a long nap. 

Still, what harm would it do?


	23. chapter twenty-three

A lot of harm, apparently. One moment, you were peacefully sleeping, and the next, you being frantically shook awake. You groaned, peeking your eyes open. Historia was above you, standing with a grimace set into her beautiful features. 

“Come on, we have to go.” nodding, you scrambled up, quickly fixing the bed to make it look like no one was there. You followed your friend, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes as your mind slowly unfogged. 

“What’s… what’s going on?” you asked, hours later. Nobody had answered you when you had tried to create small talk earlier, but now that you were all safe, they were sure to give you the answer. 

As Armin summed up what was happening, you felt a tremor run through your spine. Scout activity to be ceased, and they wanted Eren and Historia? 

“That isn’t all,” Armin’s voice was grave. “We’re under suspicion of holding someone who isn’t legally a Scout.” your blood ran cold as his next few words. 

“They’re after  _ you  _ too, Y/N. They found out about your existence, probably through Annie. They know of your abilities, and they plan to execute you on the spot.” everyone had gone silent, an air of uncertainty and anger surrounding your group, but you couldn’t help but bark out a laugh, despite the situation. 

Your previous fear melted away as you cracked your knuckles, grinning victoriously. “They can’t lay a finger on me. I’m a State Alchemist. One of the best, too.” After that, the tension dissipated.  _ Yeah,  _ everyone thought,  _ we won’t lose.  _

You grabbed Eren’s arm, pressing yourself closer to him in an attempt to ask him something. You could feel Mikasa’s eyes on you, though. “Are you scared?” your friend looked at you, shaking his head. 

“There’s nothing to be scared of!” your earlier confidence had disappeared, a feeling of unease replacing it, but Eren’s confident tone and grin made all the negative feelings melt away. 

“Eren, you know that’s not true,” he faltered, but nonetheless kept walking. “I don’t… I just hope that if we were to fall into their hands,” you referenced the government’s want of you and him, “I want to be able to take your place.” 

“Y/N, what do-”

“Alright, I’ve made my decision.” you tore your eyes away from Eren’s, your arm falling back to your side as you gave your attention to your captain. 

“We head to Trost.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me,, idk how to write heterosexual writings like wtf is sexual tension with a male and a female i only know awkwardly making eye contact with a woman who was baby earrings in the middle of dunkin donuts


	24. chapter twenty-four

**trigger warning up ahead: s*xual a*sault**

Despite being attacked by Titans not too long ago, Trost District was thriving. On top of you admiring the strength and resilience of its people, it also made you realize just how long you’ve been inside the Walls, unable to contact Amestris. 

You let your head lean back, glancing over to Armin, who had started to shake. Of course. You were scared out of your wits, too, but it was clear your comrades here in the Walls were scared of humans. As they should, but you supposed that it was jarring to learn that humans were an enemy.

You averted your eyes as your supposed kidnappers entered the room. One was drunk out of his mind, old and fat and smelly. He stumbled, taking note of your appearance. 

“You’re the criminal, eh? I wasn’t expecting such a sexy little vixen like you to be a mass murderer.” oh, so that was the lie they were told? How fun. The drunk grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him. 

You merely closed your eyes, biting your lip as his hands wandered from your face to somewhere… down lower. 

This certainly wasn’t your first time with someone trying to do this, but it was your first time being powerless. Your hands were tied above your head, not even able to make contact with each other. 

“Get off me!” you shouted, starting to thrash. Luckily, he grinned and pulled away. You panted heavily, trying to catch your breath as your brain tried to process what just happened. 

You pushed down any fear you had, grabbing the gun from Armin’s hand. ‘It’s mine.’ you mouthed at him. The last thing you needed was for him to hesitate and get himself (or you) killed. 

“I’m sorry,” you said quietly, before cocking the gun at the woman’s head. Before she could even react, you pulled the trigger, her warm body slumping onto Jean. Your gun smoked, and with tears in your eyes, you threw the body out of the cart. 

Your heart ached for the person whose life you had just ended, and your nose and jaw burned with the need to cry. But you couldn’t. You still had to fight for survival. You could hesitate and think about your actions later, now was not the time. 

“Y/N, watch-” something hit you in the head, blood starting to leak from the wound. You let your eyes close, slumping forward and falling out of the cart as you lost consciousness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yesh it's a short chapter. yesh i am burned out. yesh this has been on my mind for weeks and I Am Angy that i am too burned out to write. cry about it.

**Author's Note:**

> okay i'm bad at this but like... is it just me or are my italics not showing up?? will they show up when its posted?? it won't let me make anything italic???


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